I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
