dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
