Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
