Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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