Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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