shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
He has the fingertips of a God
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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