Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Randomize
