I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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