I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We have started to decorate penises.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
