found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
