It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
