she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
