Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
