I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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