The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
