could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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