I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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