OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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