Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
