Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
