angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
