guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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