i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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