I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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