Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
