Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
