summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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