I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
