u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
