We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
