sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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