So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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