I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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