my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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