i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
