im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
