what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
