Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
