You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
false alarm, still single
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
