I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
