Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
