I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
