just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
