I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
