my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
