Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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