i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
