Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize