tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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