I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
