i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
