Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
