im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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