I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
