Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
