just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
