My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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