I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she told me i tasted like america
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
