Heybabeimwearingurpanties
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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