My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
