You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
