This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
