Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
