but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
