You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
