Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
When are your genitals available?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
