i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
