I look better un-naked...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
