What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm too high and old for this...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize