3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I puked a lego.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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