I just gift wrapped bread.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
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