someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
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