I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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